BITCHin!

Wow this kid hates me because I refuse to feel sorry for him.

He keeps tellin me life isn't all flowers & candy...shoot well there goes my illusions! so you want me to be bitter just because you are? sorry when you come from fuck all losing everything isn't that big of a deal. Just because I'm an optimistic person doesn't mean I don't understand I just choose not to care.

Get it? I. Don't. Care.

"You don't know anything, you don't know what its like"

"If I don't know why are you telling me?"

"Fuck off you ignorant rude bitch!"

Well I never! I wasn't being rude it was simply a question,
if you want to moan with somebody choose anyone but me.

I can't stand people who don't take advice but simply choose to wallow in self pity.
As my manager would say:

"Go Fuck Yourself"

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Drop Off

ep·ic (pk)
n.
1. An extended narrative poem in elevated or dignified language, celebrating the feats of a legendary or traditional hero.
2. A literary or dramatic composition that resembles an extended narrative poem celebrating heroic feats.
3. A series of events considered appropriate to an epic: the epic of the Old West.

Had a meeting with Rochelle my bank manager who was extremely annoyed with my current state of finance. I'm pretty sure it was contempt I saw in her eyes.
"You pay £3 a month insurance for your laptop? when you can get it in a package here for free"
"You don't have Any savings...let me get this straight. No savings?"
"Your company doesn't have a pension scheme? Oh your not sure...rigggghhhhhht." sigh.

"You know someone your age should be thinking about saving towards a mortgage or a life plan, what if you died unexpectedly your parents are entitled to a pay out blah blah blah"

Thats when it hit me I'm fricking old how did that happen? bloody 25 years of age and I have escaped all responsibilities expected from a girl my age. No man No career No children No House (?!) I have no desire to own a house or be in a fulltime relationship or start saving for my death, you leave it all behind when you die anyway, I like wasting my money on living my half-assed hobo life Thank you very much Rochelle.

I live in the moment with every paycheck I earn I just didn't think life was gonna be this epic. Kinda like people in times gone by who used to think the earth was flat and you drop off at the end and refused to think about it. I thought once you finished University you just drop off at the end and still refuse to think about it.

I still feel like I'm 18. I act, dress, talk like I'm 18.It's like my mental growth stopped at that age and I can't move on.

I hate being responsible but I suppose you gotta grow up sometime so why not with the professional help of Rochelle the Dissaprover.sigh.

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Blue Monday

It's our Anniversary so he says, can't seem to shake him off, don't think I have the energy or the effort inside to do so.
Oh well! so long as I don't give away more than I can afford to I guess I'll be okay...maybe? I don't care. We named it Blue Monday in fits of giggles. He always knows how to make me laugh.

It is what it is.

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Passages

1.Clocks usually mean to not let time pass you by, to stay focused in the here and now

2.the clocks portray the enigma of space/time

3.Clocks are universally precious

I got this done a month ago but realised its important enough to share here, I have been obssessed with pocketwatches for a long long time and collect unusual looking clocks. Strangely enough I never wear wrist watches. As an image I think its something I will never tire of, so I got it drawn on me, I love it and thinks its the best thing Ive bought in a long time.

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Familiarity breeds Contempt.

Adj. 1. belittling - tending to diminish or disparage; "belittling comments"; "managed a deprecating smile at the compliment"; "deprecatory remarks about the book"; "a slighting remark"
deprecating, deprecative, deprecatory, slighting, depreciative, depreciatory
uncomplimentary - tending to (or intended to) detract or disparage

I can't stand the person you have become

life drainer,
atmosphere dampner,
room strainer,
mood darkner,
fun sucker,
fear enhancer,
soul stealer
rage enducer
quiet seething
eggshell walking
fragile bruising
scare monger
shock tactics
and
ATTENTION WHOREing

I hope you choke on your own venom
That would be a fate most beffiting
For a little girl that enjoys belittling

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Unconventional

I took the sisters to a music event at the Roundhouse in Camden
2 brilliant things happened

1.I bumped into my old pal John Robb who then asked me to go on the disscussion panel to talk about women in music, I said yes thinking I was going to sit in the front row and spontaneously get asked a question. No. I was to sit with 6 other well known established artists that had acheived bucket loads in the art industry including Viv Albertine the woman guitarist I admire from The Slits, in front of an audience.

I could have died. To be placed with these women it was an honour for me, I felt that everything I've always fought to acheive was finally being recognised. Although I don't think I deserved to be there it was a big boost in the confidence cause I did okay for someone being asked last minute.

2. We signed ourself up for a networking session with BBC DJ Tom Robinson, he gave us the best advice. He told us we had a head start because we looked good, to which I explained it was our downfall we were getting offered gigs just off the back of the way we looked and we werent musically ready to take that on.

He told us: so what! "Theres too many bad looking people out there making good music" to get one awesome track down and perfect it. That made me think actually why am I so hard on myself. So what if we look good fuck it we should use it to our advantage instead of beating ourselves up about it, If the worlds shallow its not our problem so long as we stay true to the art thats all that matters.We are not insanely beautiful, we just like to dress well.

I came away with a new outlook to my problems.
I cope well under stress and I dress well...so screw you bitter people.

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Oh your still here...

I've been hibernating

Now springs on it's way
And i'm rich with the time
but poor with the money

I'm trying to be productive/try my hand at everything.
Wish me luck

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